by Reuben M. Chow, Living-With-Grief.com

During the immediate period after the passing of a loved one, we are usually surrounded with care, concern and the support of friends, relatives and other associates. They ask how we are, they go easy on us, they console us, and they volunteer whatever help is needed.

They do this because they know we are emotionally rather vulnerable at that point.

But, as time goes by — it could be months, weeks, or even just days — and the frequency and intensity of such support diminishes, even disappears.

Not that people don’t care — I believe they still do — but, rather, they are giving us the space which they think we need and, more importantly in my opinion, they think we should be okay by now, or at least getting much better.

Actually, often, it is during this period when new levels of emptiness really set in.

At least, before, the additional care, concern and support offered by our loved ones helped, to some extent, albeit a limited one, to fill the void which has been left by the departed loved one. Once this additional support disappeared, the void suddenly became an obvious gaping hole.

In my view, there is no way to escape this period. We can run, or delay it, but we will have to face it sooner or later.

For a while, I filled my life with the company of friends. But I knew, sooner rather than later, I would have to return to the face the four walls of my house and the empty space it surrounds. So I made myself do it.

Make no mistake, this period will be tough. But it is part of the grief journey, the healing journey. And an essential one at that.

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