Tears help; let them flow
by Reuben M. Chow, Living-With-Grief.com
Over the course of the past few years, I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve teared or really cried due to grief. For me, the tears come in two main forms - those that come after the recollectation of certain events or words, and those that arrive in the midst of dreams. For the latter, it’s often a blur to me as to whether I actually did awake in the middle of the night and cried, or whether I had simply cried in my dreams.
However the scenario, I almost always feel a lot better. It literally feels like a lot of negative energy - physical, mental and / or emotional - have been discharged from my body. The release of these sorts of negativity always feels good.
For my personal situation, I usually cried in private. I’m sure, though, there are intense moments which would cause us to break down in public. That’s only natural, and nothing to be ashamed of.
Sometimes, especially in the initial period, when the feelings of grief are still very strong, it may even be helpful to force yourself to cry. Just a few drops of tears can help a lot.
As time moves on, the frequency of tears also diminishes. But, almost always, they still give me a great sense of relief and release. I’m sure they do for most people too. Tears do help in the grieving process, and we would be better off letting them flow.
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Posted: February 3rd, 2008 under All Articles on Grief, Emotions of Grief, Grief Stages or the Grief Cycle, How to Cope with Grief in the Long Term, How to Deal with Grief in the Short Term, Symptoms of Grief.
Comments: 1
Comments
Comment from Paul S. Bennett
Time: August 26, 2008, 2:29 pm
Reuben, your comments on weeping are a fine antidote to the trend in our culture to hide our own tears or to suppress the tears of others.
A friend whose husband died suddenly told me that she was relieved when her brothers left, a week after the funeral, because whenever she started to cry, they would embrace her, and she had the feeling that they were trying not only to comfort her, but also to get her to stop crying.
Some people are embarrassed by their abundant tears, or feel that if they let themselves weep, they will never regain control of themselves. So they hold it in.
My own experience after my wife died was more like yours — I made an effort to weep, because it was a way to release something that could not come out any other way.
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