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Joining The Dots

by Reuben M. Chow, Living-With-Grief.com

Losing a loved one is a very trying experience.

At that point, almost everything seems doom and gloom, and life can be pretty empty.

And it’s especially hard because we are so caught up in the event, with no idea of why it has happened, what is going to happen next, and what good could possibly come out of it.

This reminds me of an analogy about life, which I feel is also very applicable to the grief journey.

The events in life are like dots on a piece of paper. Without an overall vantage point, the dots are just that — dots, and they do not really make any picture on their own.

As for meaning, it’s usually not easy to find. We need to be able to see the entire big picture to see such things, but we are only here, right here right now, with vague recollections of the past and no idea what is going to happen tomorrow.

However, once everything has unfolded, and we look back, we would then be able to join the dots and, in the process, see the overall big picture. With the big picture, we would then be better placed to make sense of individual events, and find meaning in them.

What we can do, while living out each of those individual dots — or events — is not to allow ourselves to be overwhelmed by the present state of affairs and its seeming meaninglessness, but instead to do our best to hang in there, bearing in mind that, one day, things will make a lot more sense.

One thing is for sure — we grow with every life experience, and especially grief experiences.


Comment from RY
Time: November 19, 2008, 4:48 pm

Why do you believe that every dot must harbor a meaning?

Comment from Reuben @ Living-With-Grief.com
Time: December 11, 2008, 2:25 pm

Hi Ry,

Do I think that every dot, i.e. every life event, has a profound meaning and reason? Not necessarily. Nope, I don’t think that, as time passes, we will get a mighty revelation as to why a certain thing happened.

But, I do feel that, ultimately, each dot forms a part of the overall picture. And, the more dots has unveiled, the clearer the big picture becomes; it then follows that we have a better chance of making sense of each dot.

Notice I mentioned about needing to “find meaning in them”. It is difficult to seek THE meaning, THE reason, THE answer; but I think we can find our own personal meaning to events, and we are usually better able to do so after more events have unfolded.

Personally, I’m still making sense of a lot of dots in my life, but I do believe many of them look clearer today than they did when they first took place.

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