by Reuben M. Chow, Living-With-Grief.com 

When a loved one leaves, invariably, there would be discussions which have not been completed, conflicts which have not been resolved, quarrels which have not been settled, things which have not been done, forgiveness which has not been given, love which has not been shared, and words which have not been said.

Guilt, then, usually follows — if only we had done this, or we should have done that, or this could have been done better, or that should not have been said.

Guilt for how we must have, based on our own interpretation anyway, made our loved ones feel so horribly.

Basically, guilt for a million and one things.

For me, for example, the last thing I ever said to my mum wasn’t the kindest, nor the nicest. In fact, it was pretty harsh. That haunted me for some time and, to a certain extent, it continues to haunt me.

I could wonder how those words made her feel.

I could speculate for the longest time if she has forgiven me.

I could feel guilty for those harsh words for the rest of my life.

But all these would do me no good at all.

None of us are perfect, and none of us does anything without flaw. When a loved one has left us, it is easy to let guilt overwhelm us. But what does that achieve?

Guilt does, in a way, serve as a reminder for me to better treat those loved ones of mine who are still around.

Other than that, though, guilt is a crippling emotion, one which I consciously try to do without.

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