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Coping With The Fear of More Loss

by Reuben M. Chow, Living-With-Grief.com

Perhaps, when we were very young, we innocently believed that life was all smooth and rosy and that all the people dear to us would be around with us for a long, long time, if not forever.

Once you’ve lost one loved one, however, everything changes.

It’s almost like, having been exposed to death in and around the family, one becomes very much more aware of our vulnerability.

There were a number of deaths in my family from 2001 to 2005, including those of both my parents. To be honest, thinking about it, I am sometimes gripped with fear, fear of who is the next one, or who are the next ones, to go.

That fear, if left unchecked, can be highly detrimental to my mental and emotional wellbeing.

Fear is usually unhealthy. Especially if it paralyzes us.

I try to channel this fear towards positivity. For example, I remind myself to live each day as fully as I can, and to treasure every moment I have with my loved ones. Importantly, I remind myself not to take them, and things, for granted.

Of course, it isn’t easy, and lapsing into complacency is a human speciality. But I try — it’s much better than not doing anything at all, and allowing the fear to consume me. That would be totally undesirable.


Comment from Lee
Time: March 22, 2011, 9:09 am

this is my first time losing someone so close to me… i’ve lost relatives as I’ve grown up but not anyone that was part of my daily, immediate life and never of anything but natural causes, i.e. old age. As the days went on after my boyfriend died, i started catching myself very interested, maybe even obsessing, about the confirmation of safety and security for the people that play a role in my everyday life… I want to make sure that everyone is okay and safe and happy. I was constantly calling and checking in with each person and felt an immediate panic set-in if I couldn’t get a hold of someone for that reassurance… I was so fearful of losing someone else and having to feel all the wretched agonizing pain that I was experiencing, trying to cope with Stephen’s death… I’m still not sure, as I sit here today, how I will deal with all this heartache. It seems unbearable at times…

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