by Reuben M. Chow, Living-With-Grief.com

I am a firm believer that there is something good in everything bad that happens, and vice versa. In other words, there are positive and negative elements to every single life experience, regardless of how good or bad they seem at first glance. There are also “good” and “bad” consequences from every event. Often, these elements and consequences may be invisible to us, or at least not easily spotted. Generally, it’s how we choose to look at them.

Losing a loved one would generally be perceived as a very negative experience. Yes, it has been painful. Yes, the hurt has been overbearing at times. But it has not been all bad, because I have learnt and grown a great deal, something which would not have been possible if what had happened hadn’t taken place.

How would someone feel if he misses his flight to an important work event due to unforgiving weather, bad traffic conditions and an incompetent taxi driver? What, then, when he discovers that the plane crashed?

When you find a new and better job, or a more suitable life partner, or a lovely house, do you pay tribute to the fact that your previous company sacked you, your previous relationship didn’t quite work out, or that you were evicted from your previous dwelling?

How about losing a little bit of your health, to jolt you with a timely reminder of how precious life is, and to take better care of your body?

I encourage you to, while on the one hand dealing with the painful and negative aspects of the grief experience, also allow the good side of it to subsume you.  Embrace it, search for it, let it flow. 

When one door closes, another door opens.

By all means take all the time you need. But the longer we spend looking at the closed door, the longer the open door is left ajar for nothing.

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